Not sure how to feel...

It's been a little more than 24 hours since my transfer.  The doctor said that the embryos thawed well.  I thought they were a little sad looking.  He said it was normal for them to be shriveled up but they were rehydrating.  When I asked the quality of the embryos he said "average".   Well, awesome.
I can say that the transfer went really well. I did not feel anything.  I was so out of it had to remind me to turn my head to see the ultrasound.  Thank you, Valium....
I haven't been feeling well since transfer. I was really carsick yesterday after our three hour trip home and slept until 7 AM this morning.   I am still not feeling very good.
 Here's a pic of the embryos from shortly after they were thawed.  

   I hope they are my ugly ducklings.

 

Now, the dreaded two week wait begins.

I'm hot and I'm cold..

All that I can think of is I'm hot and cold. You know the Katy Perry song. One minute I'm ecstatic, the next I'm numb.  I think I try to keep my hopes from getting up so that it doesn't hurt so bad if it doesn't work.
I think I've want to the end of Google researching things about frozen embryo transfers with five day blastocysts. I've Googled frozen embryo transfer after chemical pregnancy .Frozen embryo transfer after failed fresh. When can I pee on a stick after frozen embryos transfer.  You name it, I've Googled it.  But in my mind I know that every case is different and no one can determine our outcome.
 I will have my transfer in a little more than 48 hours.  SQUWeeeeeee!!!!   I'm to the point I'm just ready to get it done and over with.  I know that I can take a test next Monday and maybe get two lines .  I have taken all my medication and have not missed any.  I've been drinking water.   I think were ready.  I think that this is the best chance we've had so far.

 Meanwhile, darling husband (OH YEAH,  I had to spell that out) is on a hunting trip .  He has been gone since Friday and will not be home until the morning of transfer.  I have been left to care for his police dog.  I love this dog but he is a total jerk when my husband's not around.  tonight I gave myself some sanity and gave him 50 mg of Benadryl( don't worry I cleared it with the vet ) .  He has finally stopped pacing for the first time in three days and is sleeping.   Poor boy.   To top things off, we got a huge storm today and there is destruction everywhere.  I had to hide in the basement with the police dog and by dog.   The police dog thought this would be the appropriate time to poop on the floor.   He did it on the concrete by the furnace but it was still gross to cleanup.   He's lucky I love him.

 I announced to DH that I am going on vacation next..... By myself.

Here goes the lost hurrah!

It has been sometime since I blogged. I am currently in school studying to be a nurse. I work as a paramedic right now, but I realize I will not be able to do this job is a get older. There are some days after lifting heavy person I'm not able to walk because my hips hurt so bad. That's being said the school has made it incredibly busy for me and I do not have time to blog.
Sometime in the next 10 day,s we will be transferring our last two frozen embryos. I have been not Estrace twice a day for about 10 days now. It is making Moody and I have developed acne,  it's awesome. I am also taking aspirin, a prenatal vitamin, a B vitamin, a D vitamin, and drinking pomegranate juice. I go Monday for my first lining check.
Needless to say, I am incredibly nervous. I believe I may have Googled everything relevant to a frozen embryo transfer. I am pretty sure I found the end of the Internet. I've read on some blog that elephants were good luck for fertility. While I was out at Pier 1 Imports, I found a little elephant with a baby on its back. The tag for it read elephant with monk.  I think it looks more like a baby, so I had to buy it.

Also, I have been working on projects around the house just keep myself preoccupied. I decorated my front door for fall. I am turning an old sewing machine into a table. And I want to our local Amish auction and bought an old framed painting that I am turning into a chalkboard. They are helping me pass the time.

Please say a little prayer for my husband and me.  This is been the most difficult thing either of us have ever been through. Though we did have a conversation that even though infertility was hard there others out there that have it much worse than we do. We've decided that we have everything we need and the rest of the things that we want are just that "wants".  We will be okay either way.

((HUGS))

First FET appointment

I had my FET appointment today with my new RE.  I have been so nervous about the appointment.  I rehearsed how I would handle the appointment on my 1.5 hour drive there.  AS it turns out, I love him.  I don't know that I have ever met such an awesome doctor.  I felt a connection with him and I have trust in him. He commented on a shirt I was wearing, it's a shirt for a teen with terminal cancer in our area.  I can't speak about it without bawling.  He gave me some Christian web links about suffering and staying strong.  He cared about how horrible I feel but gave  me perspective.  I bawled my eyes out when I got back in my truck to go home.  I was so worked up I vomited on the way home... yay?
Now here's the hard part.  We have 2 blasts frozen, a 2BB and a 2BC.  I'm worried about the grading.  It doesn't sound good.  But he says no one ever knows which ones will be babies.  I explained if this doesn't work, DH wants to pursue another IVF cycle.  My RE feels we could do IUI at $280 each plus the cost of donor sperm.  He doesn't feel I need meds.
DH is now on the fence with our embies and is thinking that we should just do IUI.  I'm not totally on board.  I'm really at an impasse and have no clue where to go from here.
UGH.....

So....  It's been awhile.   I stopped blogging when I started school.  It got a little hectic for me.  But it's going well.  I'm smarter than I thought.

Little update.  Nothing.  We haven't done anything cycle related.  We have an appointment for FET on October 1.  If  DH's attitude doesn't shape up we will not be going.  We went to a wedding last week a fielded several, "Do you have kids yet?" questions.  Kind of soured his mood.

In the meantime, everyone else is pregnant around me.  FML.  I asked a friend the other day, when his wife was due.  Imagine how I felt when he said, I don't know, she hasn't been to the doctor yet.  We don't have insurance.  SERIOUSLY!?!  You tried for this and you have  no insurance.  Go F#@K yourself.  No, I didn't say that out loud.  I wanted to though.  But I'll just keep on keeping on.

Our basement is finished.  It's great.  We also mowed all summer in order to pay one of our cars off.  It was painful to write the check but it's great to have the title.

Confession.

I found this today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully, it's a good sign.

    
I got bored last week and wrote my first RE a letter.  In the letter I outlined why I never came back to his office for any further treatment.  I doubt I will ever hear anything out of him but at least he knows that I think he is incompetent.   I feel better. I also left a negative review for his clinic.  I owe that to others. 
            I now need to call my other RE's office and switch to another RE in his office.  I'm so pissed at my second RE.  I was applying for the Thrive study and was told everything was great, they were just waiting on my embryo quality from my RE.  Lo and behold, I caught him in another lie.   He said our embryos were wonderful he couldn't understand why we weren't pregnant.  As it turns out, for IVF#2 the two embryos were graded fair and poor.  I hate being lied to.  I'm really nervous.
           I've been keeping myself busy doing crafts. I sound like I'm at summer  camp.  I just need something to keep me preoccupied or else I find myself really depressed.  I made a burlap wreath.  I started out doing it one way and then changed my mind half way through. I love how it turned out. 

Research Study.

So far we have qualified for an IVF research study.  The study is for women who have had three consecutive failed IVFs.  It's not really an accomplishment but I have to work with it.  The nurse called on Friday and said so far it's a go.  Everything is free.  I'm so excited. Then the catch.  I thought the clinic was in Chicago, nope it's in Maryland.  The clinic that's in Chicago that is doing the study is very uncooperative.  Almost rude.  The clinic in Maryland returns my e-mails and calls promptly.  It's a ten hour drive or I can fly.
I'm torn.  I don't know how I will pull of a cycle in Maryland.  I'm in wait and see mode right now.